


Never Enough

by OniRevas



Series: Be More Chill One Shots [1]
Category: Be More Chill
Genre: M/M, One-Shot, Water Fountain-Alec Benjamin, pins and patches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniRevas/pseuds/OniRevas
Summary: Michael takes a stroll down memory lane. It doesn't go well.
Relationships: Jake Dillinger/Michael Mell (Past), Jake Dillinger/Rich Goranski
Series: Be More Chill One Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809265
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in forever. I'm trying to get back into it

Michael glanced over at his analog alarm clock and it read 2:37 AM. He knew he should be sleeping, or at least trying to. The only issue, however, is he can’t. He was going through his camera roll and came across pictures of him and the boy he loves. Or, rather, loved. The picture was taken by his best friend Jeremy and it was of him and Jake, his ex-boyfriend. The two were standing in front of the school, Jake’s hands resting on Michael’s hips and Michael’s arms around Jake’s neck. Michael ran his fingers over his phone screen, studying the picture. He remembered everything between him and Jake as if it all happened yesterday. He remembered the good, the bad, and every little detail of Jake himself. He zoned out and started thinking about all those memories and how it all went down.

_She told me that she loved me by the water fountain._

_She told me that she loved me and she didn’t love him._

***Flashback***

Jake and Michael have been dating for a few weeks now. Michael was always an anxiety-filled, over-analytic type of person, which is why it was no surprise to the so-called “SQUIP Squad” when Michael ran out of the lunchroom after seeing Jake with Rich. Rich was sitting in Jake’s lap and Michael couldn’t help but think something was going on there. Michael had always been jealous of Rich and knew that he could never compare. Michael found himself sobbing against the lockers, scared that Jake would eventually leave him for Rich.

After a few minutes, Michael felt a hand on his shoulder and the presence of someone sitting down next to him. He slowly lifted his head up to find Jake. Jake looked at Michael, worried, and concerned. Michael’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, his breathing still unsteady, and his hair slightly messed up, as he was fussing with it out of frustration. The two held eye contact for a minute before Jake broke the silence.

“Micha, what’s wrong?”

“I just- I-I’m scared. I see h-how you are with Rich… He’s always been a better option than me. If you want to be with him… go ahead. It’d hurt, yeah, but as long as you’re… happy.”

Jake was shocked. Sure, he knew Michael was anxious about Jake being all touchy-feely with other people, but he’d never leave Michael for anyone else. Jake quickly wiped away Michael’s tears with his hand and attempted to fix his hair with the other.

“Baby, no. You’re the best option for me. You’re perfect to me and I would never willingly do anything to hurt you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt you. I’m happy with you and I love you. Nothing’s going to change that.”

Michael sat there, wide-eyed for a second. Jake had just said that he loved Michael. Neither of them had said that out loud before. Jake must’ve realized because he suddenly grew tense, but he didn’t show it as to keep his composure and stand by what he said. The truth was, Jake did love Michael. After a minute or two, Michael finally replied.

“I love you too.” He said softly.

It was the first time he said those words to someone who wasn’t family or Jeremy. It felt weird, but it felt right.

“...But, what about Rich? Do you- Do you like him?” Michael asked hesitantly, not knowing if he wanted to know the answer or not.

“Micha, no, I don’t. Rich is just my friend. I don’t love him. I love you”

Michael found that this was a good enough answer and pulled Jake into a hug. Jake was surprised, but also could have suspected this would happen. He hugged Michael back. Once they pulled away, Jake placed his hand on Michael’s face, cupping his cheek and leaned in, kissing him gently. Michael immediately reciprocated said kiss. After breaking the kiss, Michael and Jake leaned their foreheads against each other.

***End of Flashback***

Reflecting on this memory, Michael felt his eyes fill with tears threatening to fall. He shouldn’t be thinking about Jake after everything that happened. It was too late to be thinking rationally. Maybe that’s why he’s doing it. It’s late. He’s not thinking rationally. He’s acting on impulse and it’s not benefitting him. Jake was like a drug and it’s not healthy for Michael. Nonetheless, Michael can’t get enough of him. Michael, still zoned out, continues down memory lane.

_And that was really lovely ‘cause it was innocent._

_But now she’s got a cup with something else in it._

_It’s getting kinda blurry at a quarter past ten._

_And he was in a hurry to be touching her skin._

***Flashback***

It’s senior year and the last thing Michael is looking forward to is Halloween. Jake always throws parties for Halloween, however, Michael had hoped that, after last year's events, he would skip a few. Jake’s thought process was different. He insisted on continuing his tradition. Which leads us here, to Michael sitting on Jake’s couch, the living room filled with people. Being here reminded Michael of everything from the previous year: the SQUIP, Jeremy in the bathroom, his breakdown, and the fire.

Out of the corner of his eye, Michael saw Jake talking with a group of people, a drink in his hand. Michael knew this was probably Jake’s third or fourth drink. Jake saw Michael out of the corner of his eye and stumbled over to him.

“Baby, come on. Dance with me.” He said, tipsy, borderline drunk.

“I’d rather stay here, Jake… You go dance though!”

Michael really wanted to be enthusiastic and supportive of everything Jake did. That included parties, which were not his scene. Michael watched as Jake mumbled an ‘okay’ and walked off to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Jake came back out, arm slung around Rich, a new drink in hand. From the looks of it, Rich seemed to enjoy having Jake all over him. Michael, already anxious, was brought to a whole new level. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it, though. ‘He’s just drunk’ Michael tried to convince himself. He shook it off.

After a bit, Jake was completely out of it and dancing with Rich. Michael was observing from afar as his boyfriend started grinding against the boy he was told not to be jealous of. Michael found himself frozen, angry, and upset but brushed it off again by saying Jake was just drunk. That was the excuse. It was his boyfriend. The boyfriend he loved so dearly and who loved him back. Jake was not there mentally. It’s not his fault.

_Now he’s grabbing her hips, and pulling her in._

_Kissing her lips, and whispering in her ear_

_And she knows that she shouldn’t listen_

_And that she should be with me by the water fountain._

Suddenly a slower song came on, probably on the playlist for the couples at the party, and Rich quickly wraps his arms around Jake’s shoulders as Jake wraps his arms around Rich’s waist to the small of his back.

A few minutes pass and Rich steps up on his tippy toes and kisses Jake, then whispers in Jake’s ear.

“Let’s take this somewhere more private.”

Jake seemed to consider what was said for a moment before he quickly nodded and appeared happy to oblige. Michael watched, unsure of what Rich could’ve said, but enraged by the kiss. He made a mental reminder to talk to Jake about that later. He glanced away for a second before turning back to find Rich’s hand in Jake’s, pulling him off somewhere. He regretted not getting involved initially, but definitely couldn’t bring himself to do anything against the Richard Goranski right now.

Michael never saw Rich nor Jake again that night, but he stayed until everyone cleared out and decided to help his boyfriend by cleaning up a bit. He ended up falling asleep on Jake’s couch, his thoughts wondering about what Rich and Jake could be doing. Many of said thoughts hurt. He didn’t know if they were making out, talking, or… more. And it hurt.

***End of Flashback***

At this point, Michael was silently crying. Tears rushed down his face and he was quick to wipe them with the sleeve of his hoodie once he realized. It never hit him how unhealthy that relationship could be at some points. Still, he missed Jake. And that made it so much worse. He forgave Jake time and time again, getting hurt again and again.

_And if she ever goes back to the water fountain_

_The handle will be broken and the rust set in_

_But, my hand, it will be open and I’ll try to fix it_

_My heart, it will be open and I’ll try to give it_

***Flashback***

It was about a week since the Halloween party and Michael and Jake have yet to talk about what Michael saw. Michael was standing at Jake’s locker, waiting for him before school. He contemplated how he would go about this. Michael couldn’t figure out how to approach Jake about the party.

After a while of waiting, Jake walked into school and to his locker, noticing Michael and spoke softly.

“Hey, Micha.”

“Jake, we need to talk…”

Jake turned to Michael, confused. He had drunk so much that night that he couldn’t remember the majority of it, so how would he know that’s what Michael’s talking about. He raised an eyebrow in curiosity, not letting his anxiety show on the matter.

“At your party… Rich kissed you. And then the two of you went off alone. What was that?”

‘So, that’s what happened.’ Jake thought to himself. He thought about his answer in his head before verbalizing it.

“Micha, I don’t know- I don’t remember, but I would never hurt you intentionally. You know that.”

“I know, but how can I trust you if you do stuff like that when you’re drunk. Jake, I’ve tried, I’ve tried so hard to brush it off, but I can’t. You told me not to worry about Rich, yet there he was kissing you and dragging you off to a bedroom.”

“Baby, I can promise you that won’t ever happen again. I won’t drink that much at parties or at all anymore. Just so I can assure you that won’t happen.”

Michael considered this for a second and it seemed like a fair enough solution. He mumbled an ‘Okay’ and pulled Jake into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I forgive you Jakey.”

“I love you, Micha.”

“I love you too.”

The two stayed hugging until the bell rang and they headed off to their respected classes.

***End of Flashback***

The contrast between the good and bad memories hit Michael. Hard. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint how he felt. He was glad he and Jake had made some good memories, even if some of them came from the bad. Michael quickly wiped away his tears and took a sip of water from the water bottle on his nightstand. Once he calmed down, he sighed and repositioned himself, turning off his phone and laying down. He decided it was too late and he should get some sleep. Michael closed his eyes as he felt himself drift off to sleep.

_Now, I’m grabbing her hips, and pulling her in_

_Kissing her lips, and whispering in her ear_

Michael found himself standing in his kitchen with Jake standing in the doorway. He could’ve sworn he was just alone, in his room, drifting off to sleep. Before he could truly comprehend anything, Jake spoke.

“Micha, come on! I want to show you something.”

Confused, but blinded by lost emotions coming back, Michael followed Jake into his living room. The first thing he noticed was that Jake was dressed more nicely than normal. He had on a navy blue button-up shirt and jeans. Michael noticed that the golden flecks he knew Jake to have in his eyes were much more clearly there. They really stood out. Jake’s hair had been styled back and Michael absolutely adored how it looked.

Next, Michael noticed how different his living room looked. There were a few candles lit and there were rose petals scattered across the floor. There was gentle music playing, similar to music you would slow dance to. He couldn’t believe the sight before him. Michael pulled Jake by his shirt, crashing their lips together. Their kiss lasted for about twenty seconds before Michael pulled back.

“Jake… you did this for me?”

“I felt bad for everything that happened at my party that night… So, I thought you and I could have this night just to ourselves. I was wondering, Mell, if you’d like to dance?”

Jake held his hand out for Michael to take. Instead of rejecting it, like he had the night of the party, Michael took Jake’s hand.

“I would love to.”

Jake pulled Michael close and snaked his arms around Michael’s neck. Michael slowly ran his hands down Jake’s sides before landing on his waist. Michael pulled Jake’s hips closer to his own. He caught Jake’s gaze and the two stared into each other’s eyes as they swayed to the music.

After a few moments, Jake and Michael connected their lips. It wasn’t a lustful kiss. It wasn’t messy. It was just the two of them, in candlelight, surrounded by rose petals, in love. Once Jake pulled away, Michael gave a warm smile that was immediately reciprocated. Jake pulled Michael into a hug. Michael was taken aback but hugged him back, of course. He rested his head in the crook of Jake’s neck. Jake definitely didn’t seem to mind.

After a while of the two boys moving gently to the music, remaining in a position similar to their hug, Michael quietly whispered something to Jake.

“I love you, Jake. Really.”

“I love you too, Michael. And I’m sorry for ever making you question that.”

_And I know that it’s only a wish_

_And that we’re not standing by the water fountain_

Michael relaxed against Jake once again. He felt happy. He was at home. He was peaceful. It felt like it was meant to be. Everything was perfect. Almost too perfect.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Michael turned his head to find that he was back in bed. ‘Of course. It was a dream.’ He thought. He reached his hand over to his alarm clock to quickly mute the obnoxious beeping noise it made. After that dream, Michael felt like an idiot. He knows he broke up with Jake. He knew he couldn’t truly be happy like that. He knew it was over. A part of him wishes that it wasn’t just a dream, but Jake had proved to Michael time and time again he couldn’t be trusted. Michael knew this.

Still, why had he wished that the dream was his reality?

Why does he wish that Jake would have still been there with him?

Why does he wish that he could’ve been enough?

Michael Mell has thought about this every day since the breakup. He still can’t go out and face anyone since. It’s too embarrassing? Upsetting? Angering? He didn’t really know, but he did know that he could never show his face to anyone in the ‘SQUIP Squad’ again. Michael lied back down and stared off to the ceiling, mentally preparing himself for the day.


End file.
